Tuesday, May 01, 2012


Y'know, there's a lot of talk these days about hate. Hate is cool. It's big business. So called "extreme metal" fans revel in feelings of self-loathing and impotent rage. They say things like, "This ain't the Summer of Love, bro" or "I hate _____ (insert religion/band/ex-girlfriend/movie/book/vegetable/hygienic accessory/etc.)." Blah, blah, blah.  Not me. I just dimmed the lights and lit my Sexual Inspiration candle. The sheets are silky soft. My blog is almost touching you. That's right, lover...it's Gross Anatomy time! But even love is not entirely without its frowns.  Unfortunately, according to the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology, about 50% of all first marriages will end in divorce and most will end in about eight years. The odds get worse for second and third marriages which, according to a casual google search five minutes ago, hover around 67% and 74% respectively. Why am I so concerned about love,  marriage and divorce today?  Because it's May Day- a time to celebrate spring fertility and the promise of new beginnings- so today we take a look at a wedding invitation I designed recently for my old friend Kevin and his lovely fiance Amy. This is a private commission but the happy couple have graciously permitted me to post their invite here for your enjoyment, dear reader.  I'm pretty sure they're in good shape in the face of all these dour marriage statistics because Amy has already put up with Kevin's necro-shenanigans for quite some time and she knows exactly what she's getting herself into by tying the knot with a cursed weredude (note to Amy: even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers at night will stagedive onto his cellphone when the Wolfbane blooms and have new scars by the time the autumn moon is bright).  Anyway, this was a fun drawing so let's take a look...

My only "artistic direction" was this goat adorned incense burner which they loaned me for inspiration.  There are some funny stories about how this poor thing was misplaced several times before finally making it to my home due to celebratory drinking headbanging binges but I'll spare everyone those details.

I started with these god awful scribbles as usual to work out the basic composition for a border that would not grossly offend everyone's grandmother and great aunt on the big day.  I considered the idea of using bind runes to underpin the symmetry but ultimately decided to simply include the phonetic interpretation of their names in runes.

Incidentally, you ever have one of these days?

Ahem. Back to the task at hand.  Pretty soon I had this penciled and ready for ink.

A few more hours and the border was ready!

Amy picked this nice font that accentuates the curly composition without being too overwhelming on the eye.  My daughter immediately suggested that they print the invites on gold paper.  Good call!

They turned out looking really nice and I'm pleased to hear that both families approve.  In fact Amy's dad is rumored to have commented, "Very occult." In all seriousness, I wish the soon-to-be-newly weds all the best.  Congratulations, Kevin and Amy!

Until next time...Happy May Day!  
"Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop!"


Lucio H. said...

If we have a second wedding, will you do OUR invites, Herr Dread?

Dennis Dread said...

Absolutely! But knowing my time management skills you should schedule that second wedding for 2024.