Sunday, February 14, 2010

True Story of The Illegal Guardians!

Punc Rok Man by Kallisti, 2004. Your next tattoo?

As a general rule I like to keep my personal life strictly private and, with very few exceptions, I don't drag my family into this cesspool we call the internet. No need to cast my pearls before swine. Especially anonymous swine I can't throw a punch at. But my kids are old enough now to take pride in their papa's dubious accomplishments and they cornered me at the dinner table recently to protest their glaring omission on this blog. They have a good point. I usually rant about things I love and obsess about endlessly. And there's nothing I love and obsess about more than my family. So today I lovingly present a humble slice of Dread Family history that is sure to haunt the kinfolk for years to come (careful what you wish for, kids)...

Way back "in the day" when my son was a mere 10 years old- and still shorter than me- he and two of his adult pals formed a primitive musical trio called The Illegal Guardians. They practiced once a week and before long they had cranked out a respectable collection of songs that eventually became the very limited 4th official release on the Mississippi Records label. The demo contained such eternal ballads as Burritos, Keep Your Hands Off, The Magic Is In The Hole (a recitation of the entire Voodoo Doughnuts menu), and even a Ramones cover. My daughter, 7 years old at the time, provided the cover art with her minimalist masterpiece titled 'Punc Rok Man'. She couldn't spell yet but she astutely rendered the inevitable mohican with hard cider and the demo sold out faster than you could say, "She draws better than her dad." The band went on to play shows with Tragedy, Dog Soldier, This Bike Is A Pipebomb and Stockyard Stoics before our pre-pubescent upstart slowly drifted toward pursuits beyond the decadent spoils of rock 'n' roll super-stardom. All great things must come to an end (until the reunion tour).

So there you have it. The authorized history of The Illegal Guardians. And the last mention of my private life on this blog for another 4 years. Happy Valentine's Day.

Flyer for the legendary Voodoo Doughnuts gig circa 2004!


Town Manager said...

I would totally buy a T-shirt with a printing of Tyrodactyl Doughnut land!

Lucio H. said...

For X-Mas, Little miss Holocausto was given a miniature guitar, two separate "percussion" sets, and a (very) miniature grand piano - with microphone. We've started playing our own songs and have two down so far, "Frankenstein" and "Wolfman." They are both about 15 seconds long and sound the same (except she yells "Frankenstein!" in the former and "Wolfman!" and howls in the latter), but they are GOLD ... !