HOW TO TURN 40 IN 20 STEPS

STEP 1:  Get yourself some good friends.  

They just might throw you a party you'll never forget.

STEP 2:  Eat cake.

STEP 3:  Make a wish.
Preferably on stage with a microphone.

STEP 4:  Bang head.

STEP 5:  Continue banging head.

STEP 6:  Repeat as needed.

STEP 7:  Embrace friends.

STEP 8:  Embrace friends while banging head.

STEP 9:  Make new friends.

STEP 10:  Honor ancestry.

STEP 11:  Eat cupcakes while avoiding suckerpunch.

STEP 12:  Think globally, act locally.

STEP 13:  Get yourself a really good DJ.
Try to keep drunks away while he's working.

STEP 14:  Get outdoors and celebrate multiculturalism.

STEP 15:  Try a new athletic activity with family.

STEP 16:  Defy gravity and your digestive system.
We suggest the Screamin' Eagle.

STEP 17:  Climb a mountain during a solar eclipse with loved ones.

STEP 18:  Review your choices.

STEP 19:  Eat more cupcakes.

STEP 20:  Shamelessly throw yourself a second or third party and repeat until Iron Maiden comes to your town.

FOUR DECADES OF DREAD!!!!

Whoa! Ok, apparently my friends have decided to throw a little party for my birthday (and used a very unflattering photo on the flyer to spread the word). I hear "40 is the new 30", but I still hope you'll join us for this momentous occasion.  I plan to "celebrate" for several months so prepare your liver...  

Saturday June 2, 2012 

9pm 

SLABTOWN

Portland, Oregon

BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE INNSMOUTH

Join me this Sunday evening at The Lovecraft for another night of deep vinyl worship. Expect a strange brew of violent punk, twisted death metal, sleazy weirdo rock, horror soundtracks and vintage flicks on the venue's movie theater sized screen. "CRAWL TO THE CAVE!"

THE LOVECRAFT

Sunday May 13, 2012

421 Southeast Grand Avenue

Portland, Oregon

8pm until late

"...stir the dormant sense of strangeness."

BLACK TWILIGHT CIRCLE

GROSS ANATOMY (part 16)

Y'know, there's a lot of talk these days about hate. Hate is cool. It's big business. So called "extreme metal" fans revel in feelings of self-loathing and impotent rage. They say things like, "This ain't the Summer of Love, bro" or "I hate _____ (insert religion/band/ex-girlfriend/movie/book/vegetable/hygienic accessory/etc.)." Blah, blah, blah.  Not me. I just dimmed the lights and lit my Sexual Inspiration™ candle. The sheets are silky soft. My blog is almost touching you. That's right, lover...it's Gross Anatomy time! But even love is not entirely without its frowns.  Unfortunately, according to the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology, about 50% of all first marriages will end in divorce and most will end in about eight years. The odds get worse for second and third marriages which, according to a casual google search five minutes ago, hover around 67% and 74% respectively. Why am I so concerned about love,  marriage and divorce today?  Because it's May Day- a time to celebrate spring fertility and the promise of new beginnings- so today we take a look at a wedding invitation I designed recently for my old friend Kevin and his lovely fiance Amy. This is a private commission but the happy couple have graciously permitted me to post their invite here for your enjoyment, dear reader.  I'm pretty sure they're in good shape in the face of all these dour marriage statistics because Amy has already put up with Kevin's necro-shenanigans for quite some time and she knows exactly what she's getting herself into by tying the knot with a cursed weredude (note to Amy: even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers at night will stagedive onto his cellphone when the Wolfbane blooms and have new scars by the time the autumn moon is bright).  Anyway, this was a fun drawing so let's take a look...

My only "artistic direction" was this goat adorned incense burner which they loaned me for inspiration.  There are some funny stories about how this poor thing was misplaced several times before finally making it to my home due to celebratory drinking headbanging binges but I'll spare everyone those details.

I started with these god awful scribbles as usual to work out the basic composition for a border that would not grossly offend everyone's grandmother and great aunt on the big day.  I considered the idea of using bind runes to underpin the symmetry but ultimately decided to simply include the phonetic interpretation of their names in runes.

Incidentally, you ever have one of these days?

Ahem. Back to the task at hand.  Pretty soon I had this penciled and ready for ink.

A few more hours and the border was ready!

Amy picked this nice font that accentuates the curly composition without being too overwhelming on the eye.  My daughter immediately suggested that they print the invites on gold paper.  Good call!

They turned out looking really nice and I'm pleased to hear that both families approve.  In fact Amy's dad is rumored to have commented, "Very occult." In all seriousness, I wish the soon-to-be-newly weds all the best.  Congratulations, Kevin and Amy!

Until next time...Happy May Day!  
"Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop!"

Pig In The Eagle's Shadow

I have no idea how this slipped past my radar until today (except for the fact that I live in total oblivion to almost everything) but back in 2008 Portland Grindhouse founder and unwavering champion of exploitation cinema Dan Halsted was mistaken for a graffiti "tagger" while walking home from a pub and unceremoniously tackled from behind by police on a dark Northeast Portland city street.  The cops failed to introduce themselves or even ID him before throwing him to the ground and tasing him five times (FIVE TIMES!  The generally recommended maximum use of force with a taser is no more than three times).  Naturally, after the beating Dan was arrested for resisting arrest.  Read the story here. Yesterday the City of Portland quietly agreed to pay Dan $250,000 in damages under the condition that Dan not pursue any further action against the city.  In court the City of Portland's attorney attempted to use Dan's love for kung fu films and his Portland Grindhouse events as evidence that he is prone to violence.  If you've ever met Dan you know the only person he's ever threatened are the assholes who heckle the movie screen during Don't Go In The House (1980).  Portland Grindhouse just got about $250,000 richer! By the way, don't miss Squirm (1976) when it returns to the bigscreen on May 29th!    

WALPURGISNACHT ON THE LEFT

Join me this Wednesday at East End for a very special Walpurgisnacht edition of Last Wednesday On The Left! Spectral forces are gathering and will have their way! I've invited the venerable Markus Wolff to conjure the eight hooves of Sleipnir so expect an intimate set of Germanic hymns as only WALDTEUFEL can invoke. Records spin at 9pm, devils dance at midnight. World without end.

APRIL 25, 2012

MYTHOLOGICAL METAL MONSTERS

Mythological Metal Monsters is my latest cassette compilation in the Mississippi Records Tape Series. 60 terrifying minutes of hard rock and heavy metal songs about mythological monsters presented with very questionable sound quality and "informative" liner notes for the uninitiated listener. Gorgons! Ghosts! Unicorns! Hydras! Griffins! Needless to say, the best $3 you'll spend all summer. Available NOW only at Mississippi Records. "Release the Kraken!"

Mississippi Records
5202 N. Albina Ave.
Portland, Oregon
(503) 282.2990

GROSS ANATOMY (part 15)

It's Gross Anatomy time again, brothers and sisters! You already know how excited I get when foreboding numerology collides with the weekend but this Friday the 13th is particularly special because it marks the grand re-opening of Mississippi Records in its new and permanent location. This seems like a fitting day to pull the proverbial curtain back and give you a glimpse at some new drawings I did for DEAD MOON since this official posthumous 7" is also the first release in the newly christened Mississippi/Change records catalog! If you're reading this I assume you already understand that Fred and Toody Cole are TRUE rock 'n' roll royalty. But just in case you recently awoke from a deep coma, allow me to put things in perspective. Fred "Deep Soul" Cole is about three years younger than Lemmy so he too remembers the world before the invention of rock 'n' roll (though he'd probably rather forget that part) and he's been independently recording/performing with complete disregard for fame and fortune since 1964. He's partied with the Hell's Angels, polished off Southern Comfort with Janis Joplin, ate LSD when it was still legal, built his own ghost town and cut his own records with a fucking lathe. He met his wife Toody in 1967 after his car ran out of gas in Portland, Oregon and they've been together longer than many of us have been alive. Their various bands have shared the stage with the Misfits (Danzig era, of course), Black Flag, D.O.A., The Bags, The Wipers and Poison Idea to name merely a few. They're also grandparents and still tour the world with their newest band Pierced Arrows (who, as fate would have it, are performing in Portland TONIGHT). To say I was honored by the request for my humble little scribblings is an understatement. And the process turned out to be a well worthy challenge. Ready for an unknown passage?

First, here's a photo of Fred and Toody we snapped just a few weeks ago when they treated a small local audience to a very intimate acoustic set that covered the spectrum of their entire back catalog. This is how music should grow old. With dignity and a little bit of whiskey.

For this project I was charged with the task of developing a simple border to frame two previously unpublished band photos for the front and back covers. Dead Moon had a very specific aesthetic that didn't deviate much throughout their nearly two decade run. Some call it "punk" or "D.I.Y". My kids call it..."janky." Which is probably why it made sense to get a janky artist who draws with ballpoint pens for the job. The real challenge with this one was keeping it raw and unpolished but still classy enough to hold its own.

Dead Moon lexicon is characterized by superstition and symbolism so there was no shortage of powerful imagery to explore. After listening to the four beautiful songs on this record (two previously unreleased and two rare tracks only released on an obscure European compilation), I immediately knew the direction I wanted to take and banged this out in one sitting under the watchful eye of the dagger moon.

It had to have the authentic look so I cut the generic lettering from their first single and glued it down right over the original art. Dead Moon never had a definitive band logo, aside from their iconic skull moon symbol (tattooed on Fred's face like a sideburn), so their typography tended to change from release to release.

Next I banged out the word 'MONO' on my daughter's old typewriter and glued it into place. VOILÀ! Border done. Right? Wrong. Turns out Fred and Toody are more superstitious than I imagined and owls ain't their spirit animal. When they stopped by Mississippi Records to view the art they made a request that I change it to a blackbird. Who am I to disagree with rock 'n' roll? Later that night we got a message from Toody who said Fred also had the great idea to have the bird perched on a tombstone with a Dead Moon epitaph. I got busy and cranked out this inky little crow which was then dropped in over the owl with Photoshop (I just wasn't ready to bury the owl in glue). Next came the band photo- nice and janky like- placed with little regard for pleasing composition...

Voilà!

Second verse, same as the first.

The best part is when we get to blast the test pressing and approve the final product, which will be available in May from Mississippi Records. If you live in the Northwest, be sure to visit them at their beautiful new location which opens...TODAY! I'll soon be rolling out another little treat for M.R. so keep your eyes peeled.

MISSISSIPPI RECORDS

MISSISSIPPI RECORDS

5202 NE Albina Street
Portland, Oregon

Until next time...54/40 or FIGHT!

HEMISPHERE OF SHADOWS

DANAVA is heading off to seek shadows on European shores so if you reside on that side of the hemisphere be sure to join them at Roadburn and beyond. You won't be sorry. And if you pitch your tent here in the Northwest you can catch the FREE tour cast off this Saturday April 7th at Someday Lounge. I'll be providing the vinyl cartilage so come down and bang the skull that does not bang (although in all honesty it's pretty tough to bang your head to John Carpenter's Prince of Darkness soundtrack).

GATES OF HELL

"Violence is Italian art."
~Lucio Fulci

This Tuesday Portland's Grindhouse Film Festival returns Italian auteur Lucio Fulci's 1980 occult zombie masterpiece THE GATES OF HELL (aka, City Of The Living Dead) to the big screen on glorious 35mm! You know the fucking drill (no pun intended). Expect disjointed and arrhythmic bursts of highly implausible gore-soaked violence and poorly dubbed dialogue barely strung together by the tenuous sinews of a "plot" that defies even the bizarre narrative style typical of Italian horror cinema. This was a further elaboration in the controversial director's quest to make "an absolute film...a plotless film...a succession of images." And what a succession of images the maestro has conjured! A priest hanging himself in a graveyard is probably never a cheerful omen, but in Fulci's bleak mythos such suicidal Catholic blasphemy causes a cosmic rift that belches the undead from the bowels of earth to wreak havoc on the small cursed town of Dunwich. But not before a storm of death literally covers the cast in maggots, the town weirdo is inexplicably lobotomized and a sweet young thing bleeds from her eyes and vomits her intestines. You'll also see how not to rescue a pretty woman from a premature burial. Yup. It's as awesome as it sounds! This film, the first in a loosely themed trilogy comprised of The Beyond (1981) and The House By The Cemetery (1981) is the mother maggot that spawned countless death metal bands and traumatizing psychotropic experiences since its initial theatrical release and consequent triumph as the VHS tape on the darkest shelf of the video store. The generally brooding atmosphere of metaphysical dread and shaky extreme close-ups courtesy of cinematographer Sergio Salvati are further amplified by Fabio Frizzi's brilliantly plodding soundtrack. Funky bass runs draw inevitable Goblin comparisons while the droning guitar occasionally aspires to noodly Pink Floyd proportions and should sound killer on Hollywood Theater's recently revamped sound system! Keep your eyes peeled for a cameo appearance from a young Michael Soavi, who would go on to direct such genre classics as StageFright, The Church and Cemetery Man. Director Lucio Fulci makes a cameo appearance himself, as he frequently did in his later films, but don't blink or you'll miss him. FULCI LIVES!

GATES OF HELL
March 27, 2012
7:30pm
Hollywood Theater
4122 NE Sandy Blvd.
Portland, Oregon

Now enjoy this great song from one of my favorite UK peace punk bands that has absolutely nothing to do with Fulci's film. Or does it???

Um...spoiler alert...



Evil is as evil does.

Mississippi/Change

Here's one for my "open minded" readers - which is to say, I don't expect most of you knuckle-draggers to give a damn about this particular post. You may recall me mentioning my neighborhood record store in the past because I designed their softball jerseys and contributed the mix tapes Satan Is Real and The Sound of Fear (volumes 1, 2 and 3!) to their carefully curated line of low-fi cassette tapes, designed to expose causal listeners to the deep tracks of a particular genre. Mississippi Records has become an invaluable Northwest vinyl stronghold and an internationally acclaimed micro-label that specializes in the more obscure spectra of Blues, Rock, Gospel, Soul and Ethiopian music (wait...where are you going?). Misfits from all corners of the world pilgrimage to this humble little shop every day seeking relics from their back-catalog and occasionally you'll even find a killer metal gem tucked behind the Joseph Spence and Sun Ra records. The label recently changed its name to (appropriately) Mississippi/Change and I was honored to do some artwork for the inaugural release under the new moniker. The release itself is a very special 7" that I will announce in due time but for now I've provided a glimpse above. Anyway, Mississippi/Change has just launched a membership club called Community Supported Records (CSR). The concept is very simple: you pay what you want between $68-$300 to receive direct mailings of limited releases that generally sell out the same month they're released. The catch is that they're only accepting 300 members and I want my "open minded" readers to have an opportunity to join. Keep in mind, THIS IS NOT A METAL LABEL. Re-read the genres above and go back to the NWN! message board if the idea of listening to folky Americana and International recordings makes you cringe. However, if you're receptive to hearing some unusual sounds this is a great way to get your hands on limited pressings and an interesting experiment to see if vinyl nerds still wish to remain engaged with music in a tactile format that directly supports independent creativity. You can learn more about the CSR program and become a member here. We now return to your regular broadcast.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVE HARRIS!

Words fail to describe the importance of this soft-spoken and insanely driven man on my own upbringing so here are three of my favorite photos of Mr. Steve Harris. One of these is from my own birthday a few years ago and the other two were snapped without a zoom lens at Wacken Fest 2008. If you've ever been to Wacken you know I had to sacrifice women and small children to get this close to the stage (not to mention my own ribs). UP THE IRONS!

R.I.P. MOEBIUS

Listen up, assholes. I'm not in a good mood today. Among other things, I just found out that Jean "Moebius" Giraud lost his battle with cancer this morning at the age of 73. Needless to say, Moebius was an extraordinarily talented artist who elevated bastardly comics to high art without being a pretentious bore and all while using a fucking cool pseudonym that only added to his mystique. Just take a good look at his absolutely fantastic poster art for Jean Rollin's ambitious but ultimately disappointing 1970 suicide cult flick The Nude Vampire. Even tits and red-hooded masters fail to impress after the delightfully wicked promises of Moebius' demonic Art Nouveau ornamentation. Simply put, heavy metal would look very different today without the frequently unacknowledged influence of his complex visionary style. As a matter of fact, Moebius co-founded the "adult" comic anthology Métal Hurlant (Screaming Metal) in 1974 and traces of its far-reaching impact would later be evidenced in such monumental metal milestones as Slayer's Hell Awaits and Voivod's entire dystopian sci-fi mythos. He also lent his creative abilities to such films as Tron (1982), Willow (1988), Masters of the Universe (1987) and Alien (1979) so you can thank him for your happy childhood as well (significantly, on the latter film he was part of a creative team that included H.R. Giger and Joe Petagno!). So raise a flask of whiskey to a brilliant gentleman who probably would've frowned on such raffish American behavior. The French usually piss me off but Moebius rules. R.I.P.

BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE INNSMOUTH

Join me this Sunday at The Lovecraft for another night of deep vinyl worship! Expect the usual strange brew of violent punk, twisted death metal, sleazy horror soundtracks and vintage flicks on the venue's movie theater sized screen. INVOKE THE OLD ONES! JOIN US!

THE LOVECRAFT

Sunday March 11

421 Southeast Grand Avenue

Portland, Oregon

9pm-2am

"...stir the dormant sense of strangeness."

GHOUL QUEEN

Less than three hours since I posted the VIGILANTE CONTEST and...we have a winner! The correct answer was Ghoul Queen and the contest is now officially OVER.

VIGILANTE...CONTEST!

I had so much fun takin' back the streets last night that I was inspired to launch a new contest! I want to give an original drawing to one of my readers. I'm not talking about a print or some bullshit doodle on a piece of paper. I'm willing to let go of a framed original piece of art. There is a Frank Frazetta reference in William Lustig's VIGILANTE (1983). Specifically, there is a Frazetta poster clearly visible in one of the scenes. I somehow never noticed it before on VHS but on the big screen it was right in my face. For about 8 seconds. And then it was gone. Here is your mission, nerds: you must correctly identify the TITLE of the Frazetta poster that makes a brief appearance in the film. Be the first reader to post the correct answer as a comment below and win a grand fucking prize directly from yours truly. Contest ends at midnight on Friday March 2, 2012 so get busy!

TO ELIMINATE THE PROBLEM YOURSELF

"Look out there's danger! Nowhere to run! Seems like desperate measures but sometimes it's GOT to be done!" ~Ronnie James Dio

If you read this blog regularly or have ever found yourself in a room in which I am commandeering the airwaves, you already know that I adore William Lustig's sleazy 1980 masterpiece Maniac and especially Jay Chattaway's deceptively simple and uncannily disturbing soundtrack. What you may not know is that Mr. Lustig invited Chattaway back to work his creepy magic for the mind-numbingly entertaining 1983 film Vigilante (among others) and the results are predictably amazing. Vigilante is a gritty "poliziotteschi" homage set in a bygone era of the crime-ridden Big Apple starring a stylish cast of instantly recognizable misfits such as Fred "Black Caesar" Williamson, Joe "Fancy Schmansy" Spinell and Robert "Alligator" Forster who vaguely resembles a softer Charles Bronson and who's receding hairline provides scripted comic relief in the aforementioned man vs. nature reptile romp (spoiler alert: man loses). It's really no surprise that there was a thriving cottage industry of street justice revenge flicks back in the 70's and early 80's. After all, nationwide crime statistics had been steadily rising since the late 1960's and within a decade entire tracts of Manhattan and its surrounding boroughs had become seething arenas of stale piss and unbridled hostility, the subterranean transit system a foreboding symbol of lawless urban savagery. Fan faves such as Straw Dogs (1971), Ms. 45 (1981), Savage Streets (1984), Death Wish (1974) and Death Wish II (1984) struck a lucrative nerve precisely because people were genuinely fearful and righteously disgusted. Who wouldn't cheer a band of furrow-browed proletariats takin' back the streets to a score that sounds like the feeling you might get while coming down from a three day meth binge at Studio 54? And who wouldn't want to catch this unsung classic on rare 35mm?? Well, thank your lucky stars that the streets are safe for your candy ass these days and thank Dan Halsted of Portland's Grindhouse Film Festival for bringing this gem to the Hollywood Theater for one exclusive showing! If you heckle the screen ironically like an attention-seeking Mystery Science Theater reject while this movie is playing I swear I will personally stab you in the fucking neck. On that note, I humbly present your soundtrack to violent revenge.

VIGILANTE

January 28, 2012

7:30pm

Hollywood Theater

4122 NE Sandy Blvd.

Portland, Oregon

If you think I'm bullshitting you with my crime stat hyperbole, consider the fact that Riot vocalist Rhett Forrester was murdered during a 1994 carjacking in Atlanta when he refused to surrender his wheels. Incidentally, this record came out the same year as Lustig's film and I'd love to turn Fred Williamson and company loose on the scumbag that pulled the trigger.

Certainly not the only tune to stir up controversy on this fucking fantastic record.

To this day, a song that instantly makes me feel like smashing things. I just threw my beer at the wall. I'll go clean that up while you listen to the next ditty...

I'm pretty sure this one is actually a fantasy bar fight song but I'd definitely call in sick to catch a flick called Shotgun Justice. And my favorite Razor tune, Violent Restitution, is really just about killing a backstabber and fucking his woman, which sadly disqualifies it for our purposes today.

I couldn't find Street Justice as it's own song on youtube so you get the entire Captain Howdy/Horror-Teria saga. See ya at the theater, punk.

DREADTHRONES LEAP DAY ELECTRONIMAGANZA!

LAST WEDNESDAY ON THE LEFT returns to Portland's East End this week and I've invited the indomitable and cat-like Mr. Preston to preside over our Leap Day Electronimaganza! Vinyl spins at 9pm. Thrones crush at 11pm. Support your local Poser Kill Team!

JANUARY 29, 2012

SUMMON THE BETRAYER!

Support my talented friend and comrade Brian Profilio! He's got a new blog with prints for sale.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TONY IOMMI!

"...the Beast is free to wander..."

A FIST IN THE FACE OF GOD!

Saturnalia Temple makes an appearance on Fenriz' new mix tape!

ALL TOMORROW'S FUNERALS

The new AUTOPSY video has now been revealed!

WARNING: You're gonna need a lyric sheet and a handful of Phenobarbital.

CHAINED TO THE WHEELS OF PAIN

CROM! As it turns out I'm playing records three times this month so mark your calendar and support your local Poser Kill Team. If you buy me a drink I just might play you some Basil Poledouris. That's a promise AND a threat...

February 12 (Sunday) I'll be at The Lovecraft spilling absinthe on my records and projecting some very special flicks on the big screen. If it's fun I might even make this a regular second Sunday of the month gig (glutton for punishment).

February 24 (Friday) I'll be at Plan B providing tunes for Danava, assuming they find me some turntables.

February 29 (Wednesday) I'll be at East End for my latest installment of Last Wednesday on the Left and this month I've invited my trusted comrade Joe Preston to perform a very special synth-only Thrones set. Don't be a dick and miss it.